A Season of Uncertainty

Pic source: here

Hey, life’s been a little different lately. In our house with a 20-year mortgage, there are two unemployed people... uhm well, if you don’t count the toddler. My mind’s been extra busy these days, wandering all over the place. What’s gonna happen to our future? How long is this uncertainty gonna stick around? And, why do the job offers that come in pay so much less for the same role and responsibilities as before? I seriously feel like swearing at the regime. I don’t need those 19-million padel courts, really.

It’s not like we’ve been doing nothing, though. My husband and I have been working every day on building something: an app that we hope will not only become part of our portfolio but also bring in income someday. Not only an app actually, perhaps some apps? My husband’s a talented programmer, I’m a passionate designer, and we have a new helpful friend named AI. A pretty good match, right? 🥲 

At first, it felt exciting because of spending more quality time together, feeling empowered because I got to dive back into the design rituals I’ve always loved (without any pressure from bosses or peers), and all those beautiful hopes that come with fresh ideas during our brainstorming sessions.

But whenever things go quiet, that uneasiness creeps back in. Uneasy about the uncertainty. Uneasy about the drastically changing cash flow. Uneasy about the lifestyle we have no choice but to scale down for now.

I keep reminding myself that this uncertain season might actually be teaching us something. Maybe it’s patience. Maybe it’s persistence. Or maybe it’s just learning how to keep showing up, even when nothing feels certain yet.

Still, in between the chaos and calm, there are tiny moments that keep me grounded, like the sound of my daughter’s laughter echoing through the house, the taste of ice coffee in the morning, the quiet hum of the fan when everything else feels too heavy. Maybe that’s what this season is really about: learning to find peace in the in-betweens.

I don’t know what’s waiting on the other side of all this. But I do know that we’re trying. We’re building, we’re hoping, and we’re still here, together. And maybe, for now, that’s enough.

After all, we are trying our best, so wish me luck that I can keep seeing things with hope. I believe Allah is the best scriptwriter. I believe my husband and I are the best, most solid team, both in facing this season and creating something meaningful together.

This too shall bloom. This too shall bloom.

Woi Penonton!

Gambar di atas diambil dari sini

Tidak semua cerita ingin dibagikan.
Tidak semua kabar kurang baik mudah diceritakan.
Kadang ada hal-hal yang lebih tenang bila disimpan saja,
dirawat dalam hati, dipeluk dalam diam.

Hari ini, cerita itu tanpa sengaja sampai pada seseorang.

Padahal kami sedang mencoba merasa baik-baik saja.
Belajar berdiri di atas pijakan yang rapuh,
membangun kekuatan dari pengalaman lampau yang mengajarkan banyak hal.
Kami sedang sibuk merangkai hikmah,
mencari makna dari segala kejutan yang datang tiba-tiba.
Kami sedang menyicil solusi,
meski kepala seringkali berdenyut mengingatkan batas diri.
Kami berusaha berdamai dengan keadaan,
menemukan tenang di tengah riuh.

Namun sebuah pertanyaan datang, memakda kami membuka pintu yang sebetulnya ingin kami tutup rapat.
Dan sesuai ekspektasi, tanggapan yang muncul pun bukan yang kami butuhkan.
Bukan kata yang menenangkan,
melainkan kalimat yang menyesakkan dada.

Aku merasa disalahkan.
Seolah aku penyebab kesulitan orang yang paling kusayangi.
Seolah langkah-langkah yang kami ambil hanya kesalahan,
tanpa ruang untuk dipahami alasannya.

Kata demi kata terus mengalir,
dengan nada prihatin bercampur kecewa, sesekali muncul kepanikan.

Hidup kami (yang sebenarnya masih baik-baik saja) jauh dari kehidupan ideal menurut versinya, membuatnya gusar.
Dan perlahan, benang kusut yang sedang kami luruskan kembali ruwet, kembali sulit disentuh dengan sabar.

Andai penonton tahu caranya diam.
Andai penonton paham,
bahwa tak semua cerita butuh ulasan,
bahwa tak semua pertunjukan butuh komentar.

Terlebih, tiket untuk duduk di kursi itu pun tak pernah ia beli.