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Two Pimples and a Pause

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There are two pimples on my chin. They’re small, but they throb. The kind of quiet, persistent pain you can’t ignore. After such a long time without breakouts, their sudden appearance feels… strange. I catch myself wondering, was it the mask I’ve been wearing these past few days while staying with my mom at the hospital? Or because I no longer have the bandwidth to even do my skincare? Or maybe, this is my body trying to say something, at a time when my mind has been too busy to listen. Because the truth is, I haven’t really stopped. Not to think. Not to feel. Not even to breathe, properly. And somehow, these two small pimples feel like a pause I didn’t ask for, but maybe needed. A moment that gently asks: What is actually happening in your life right now? ----- Both of my parents are seriously ill. At the same time. My dad needs to have one of his kidneys removed because of a large tumor attached to it. My mom was just diagnosed with a brainstem stroke, affecting her visio...
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Quietly Stepping Away

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At 35, when the storms in romance have settled, the real tests begin in friendship. Sometimes the thought creeps in when everything is quiet: What if I'm just hard to be friends with? What if I don't bring any value anymore? Why does it feel so difficult to hold on to old friends, yet just as hard to find new ones? Maybe i'm no longer the easy one, the flexible one, the one who keeps the energy going. But, is it unrealistic to long for friendships that feel truly genuine? I miss friendships that feel safe. The kind where I don't have to measure my words. Where I don't feel compared. Where success isn't a competition. Where vulnerability isn't gossip. When an invitation to meet up isn’t just courtesy, but intention. I was tired. So I chose to archive (and even left) some group chats, mute stories, stop showing up as much, slowly stepped back from some people. Not because I hate them, but because I needed to stop hurting myself in invisible ways. I don't w...
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Kembali, dengan Cara yang Berbeda

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Hai 2026. Hai kamu yang mampir ke tulisan ini. Sejak akhir November lalu, saya kembali bekerja setelah hiatus tiga tahun. Bukan sekadar kembali ke rutinitas, tapi kembali ke versi diri yang dulu sempat saya tinggalkan. Rasanya tetap nano nano, tapi kali ini dengan kesadaran yang berbeda. Saya menyadari satu hal: saya berubah. Bukan jadi kebal, tapi lebih tenang. Bukan jadi cuek, tapi lebih selektif terhadap apa yang layak menguras energi. Sekarang saya hanya benar-benar fokus pada hal-hal yang bisa saya kontrol. Sisanya saya lepaskan, bukan karena menyerah, tapi karena sadar: tidak semua hal perlu dimenangkan. Saya masih ingin bertumbuh, masih ingin berkarya dengan serius, masih ingin punya portofolio yang saya banggakan. Tapi di luar itu, saya tidak lagi merasa perlu membuktikan apa pun secara berlebihan. Cara saya bekerja pun terasa berbeda. Proses crafting kini terasa seperti bermain game. Tantangan bukan ancaman, tapi undangan untuk naik level. Saya menikmati eksplorasi, menerima m...
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Sharing: Bayi Tidur di Kamarnya Sendiri

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Hi fellow parents! Sebuah kebahagiaan besar bagi saya ketika di usia 1 tahun 3 bulan, Hara akhirnya berhasil tidur di kamarnya sendiri dari malam sampai pagi, tanpa ditemani. Mungkin bagi sebagian orang tua ini hal biasa, tapi buat saya, ini termasuk one of my life-changing moments. Motherhood era terasa sedikit lebih ringan. Selain kualitas tidur, kuantitas juga tidak kalah penting bagi saya dan suami yang terbiasa tidur delapan jam sehari. Jujur, kami sendiri tidak terlalu paham soal berbagai metode sleep training. Paling hanya mendengar sekilas dari podcast parenting yang sesekali kami tonton. Jadi, apa yang kami lakukan murni hasil dari wawasan terbatas, pengamatan, mikir bareng, dan eksperimen yang disesuaikan dengan kebutuhan anak kami. Sense of urgency mulai muncul saat kami menyadari bahwa selama co-sleeping, kualitas tidur Hara justru kurang baik. Hal-hal kecil seperti ayahnya batuk atau ibunya bergerak karena mau ke toilet sering membuat Hara terbangun dan menangis, yang bias...
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Menjadi Ibu (Rumah Tangga)

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Halo, kisanak! Hampir lima tahun sejak terakhir kali saya menulis di sini. Banyak hal berubah, dan jujur saja, saya masih berusaha merapikannya di kepala. Semoga menulis bisa membantu saya mengurai satu per satu. Setahun terakhir, pusat dunia saya dan suami bernama Hara. Anak yang Allah titipkan setelah empat tahun penantian. Usianya baru satu tahun, tapi kehadirannya mengubah cara saya berdoa, berpikir, dan memandang hidup. Doa-doa saya kini lebih banyak tentang dirinya. Saya ingin hadir penuh, menjadi ibu yang baik, dan membersamainya di setiap fase tumbuh kembangnya. Menjadi ibu rumah tangga adalah pilihan yang saya syukuri. Saya masih punya opsi, dan suami mendukung keputusan apa pun yang membuat saya tenang. Meski sesekali rindu berkarya dan menghasilkan uang sendiri, saya tidak bisa membayangkan hari-hari tanpa kehadiran saya untuk anak. Di masa golden age ini, saya memilih hidup yang lebih sederhana dengan waktu dan perhatian yang utuh untuknya. Saya merasa damai. Namun di saat ...
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Love Life Update

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According to my pro bono '27 Wedding Invitations' project, here is the 13th wedding invitation I've built. Disclaimer, I didn't design it from scratch. I got some assets from a stock image platform due to my heavy workload. Thanks, freepik! 😭 Finally, I have my own wedding invitation. Finally, the one came into my life. Finally, I could hold someone's hand without worrying he would let it go. My story and happiness are featuring  @milfachu 's illustration on the card, and @gabriellailena 's poem below. Thanks, girls! You are the best 💕 *** there is something in the way you came into my life;      unexpected, yet      comfortable at the same time. and there is always something in the way you make me smile; how you're always there to save the day,      and how you've found your way      into my heart           with a sincerity that does not   ...
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Go Overseas to Work

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Pic source: here Hi Bro Sis! Long time no post. How's life? I hope you are doing well. Mine? I am pretty good, but currently having such a kinda mixed feeling: excited, blessed, anxious, and nervous are all at once. Next month is going to be challenging because I am going to wander to another place that is a bit far and quite different than before. Oh how I love Jogja and Bandung so much, so I hope this another-place will be also another 'home' for me as well. I keep wondering. Can I adapt to a new work environment with so many diversities? Can I keep up with those great colleagues? Can I voice what's on my mind easily to them? Despite those thoughts, I asked my mentor Russel how to face it and he gave me some tips. Here they are. Be confident. They hired you because they value you. Every new beginning can have challenges, but you'll be able to succeed. Remember that many of the others are also not native English speakers. Some are but probably most ar...
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